I am feeling emotional today and I seem to have a lot to say. Maybe it's the pitter-pattering sound of the rain that's making me feel this way.

I always ask myself if I'm a good girlfriend. What defines a good girlfriend? Thoughtful? Caring? Understanding? Gentle? Warm and fuzzy? The last point not withstanding, I've always thought I was all the above mentioned. But sometimes that's really not the case. I see the most ugly side of myself when I'm with the person I love.

I get angry at the most silly and trivial things ever. I get upset so easily that at the snap of your fingertips my watertaps get turned on almost immediately after. I am petty and I demand total attention 24/7. I am so selfish that I stink like a fishmonger. Subconsciously, I feel jealous whenever you're spending time on other things/people except on me. I know it's absolutely crazy, but is it just me or is it a norm thing for people to feel this way when they're in love?

After being together for such a long time, I thought that our love would just slowly fizzle out and be replaced by only responsibility and commitment. I'm not sure how you feel, but I definitely don't feel this way. I am more dependent on you than before, and sometimes I don't know whether it's a bane or boon. Am I suffocating you? Am I making things too difficult for you? Is it so hard to be loving and independent at the same time? As much as I would like to give you more space, I can't be nonchalent about what you're doing when you're not with me. I tried to be, but at the end of the day I feel more miserable than anything else. I failed to be an independent individual because deep down I know I'm in it with you. I cannot do things without first thinking about how you would react/feel. I need you to sing the same song, same tune and same rhythm with me.

No matter how ugly I become, will you still love me unconditionally?

♥ 12:06 PM